Sunday, May 25, 2003 People

I fucking hate people. They just suck. With their liking each other and having emotional problems and shit. With all their relationships and crap. Not even relationships like dating and crap, just the ones that everyone has between each other. I don't have those, at all. I feel like I'm an outcast, different from everyone else. No one fucking cares about me. At all. I am envious when people tell me about their problems; no one likes me enough for me to have them. I make them up anyway. I pretend people have ever liked me. But I know no one does. Ok, what started this orgy of self pity? Well, I was talking to Alli online and she was telling me about some crap with a boy and how it was confusing and everything. I was jealous because I don't have relationships like that. At all. It's never confusing for me. It's always pretty obvious. Or if not always, it's just a lot less frequent with me. I think the closest I have ever had someone come to actually liking me back and a real relationship was with Allison. Once, that's it. In my entire life. I don't ever have any little flings or little things that everybody else seem to always be having. I don't have any stories like 'Oh, yeah, we made out a bit, but then we didn't really want to do anything" I don't know, maybe I'm just being envious of what I don't have, a 'grass is greener on the other side' type scenario. But it does make me wonder what it's like to be liked. I'm a loser. Fuck me.